The Battle

The clatter of dishes sounds all around me. Several voices are shouting throughout the steamy kitchen. The savory smells of creamy chicken dishes floated all around. Scrambling all around, four girls try to wash/dry dishes, make the coffee, dish up dessert, pour cold drinks and wait on seven tables- all at the same time. We were severely short-handed, and suffering greatly from it. All of us were young, two highschoolers and two junior highers. I had already broken one coffee pot, so I had to make due with a different one. None of us knew what we were supposed to do with the food; we had to wait for instructions. Any time we took (what seemed like) a  2-second breather (sometimes to eat), we were immediately put to active work, despite the fact that we had not eaten dinner yet.

So, in all this chaos, I stood at the sink, washing and drying endless amounts of dishes. I was tired. I was hungry. I was unhappy. I was emotional. I was snappy. I was discontent. I was on the verge of tears. This was not what I had expected at all; it was nothing like last year. I wasn't prepared to be doing everything at once. I didn't feel emotionally strong enough to keep trying to act as an encourager to the younger girls. I was tired of the miserable atmosphere. "Why is this happening, Lord? I can't do this any longer, I really can't! I'm so tired. It's just too hard!" But immediately, His gentle reminder came back to me. "Is anything too hard for me? You cannot do this because you are doing for yourself. Do it for me. Let me be Your strength. Trust me." I thought back to Jeremiah 32:2- "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?" I felt myself renewed with strength. I could keep fighting, working hard- for Him.

Unfortunately, I found a lot about myself through this situation. People say the extremely stressful situations reveal true character. I'm a little afraid of what I saw in me. I have a lot of growing and stretching ahead of me. My focus slips so easily to myself instead of God. Sometimes I wonder why it's so easy to be self-centered, and so hard to focus and trust the Lord. But then I remember that it is not just my own will that I'm fighting against. I'm up against a real enemy- Satan. He so cunningly plants lies in my head, constantly seeking to make me stumble and fall into his snares. As a friend said, he doesn't tempt us by coming up to us with a cigarette; no, his ways are far more sly and subtle. He tempts us to yell at a family member, get irritated with a friend, think of my needs first... all these things that seem little. 

When up against such an enemy, it is foolish to let your guard down- yet it's so easy to forget he's there, because he disguises himself as a friend. It's a constant raging battle. And while it is easy to lose hope, I must remember that I am on the Lord's side- "...if God is for us, who can be against us?" Rom. 8:31. He is my Strength and my Song. And He will continue to grow me and change me, teaching me how to be Christ-centered and trusting. He is so patient. I've come to realize that He doesn't always ask me to leap mountains for Him- He just wants me to be content with baby steps, getting bigger and bigger each time. And, as a friend once told me, if He does call me to leap mountains, He will be right there beside me. Truly we have an awesome God.

"Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle" -Psalm 144:1