So, I assume that most of you know that in exactly one week, I will be leaving the country for Bangalore, India. My dad is leading a month-long missions trip through our church, as he did last year. Yeah, it really is that soon. =) So, I've gotten a lot of questions lately, such as, "How are the preparations for India coming?" and "Are you all packed yet?" You would think that with a week left, I would be half-packed, fired up, and ready to go!
Not so, my friends, not so.
Let me just explain that I have this irrational fear of packing. I think it's because throughout my childhood, I had vivid dreams of going to church conferences and the like, and in those dreams, I always forgot something important, or I forgot everything. So I hate packing, because I am paranoid about forgetting something. I also just don't like making decisions- I can't always know what I will need for a month, and what I should leave behind. So overall, packing is a miserable experience for me. Which is why I haven't even so much as gotten my suitcase out. I haven't done any laundry, I haven't set aside clothes or anything for packing, I haven't even looked at my packing list! And the silly thing is, I know that if I wait till the last minute, I am bound to forget more than if I can pack slowly and think about it. Yet I still insist on procrastinating. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Irrational indeed. =)
Well, tonight I was sitting here, and I suddenly realized just how worried I have been about this whole packing thing. I am so afraid that I won't have enough time, yet I am loath to begin. For some reason, I began to panic. What if I didn't have enough time to pack? I'm still busy trying to finish up school and other things! Plus there's just so much VBS preparation to do! What if I won't get to pack, and I'll have to get all stressed out trying to pack on the day before leaving?
As I was rambling about all these worries to God, He suddenly reminded me of a passage-
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ...And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ...But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
-Matthew 6:25, 27-31, 33
I suddenly realized how silly I was being. Here I was, about to leave for a month-long mission trip to India, a rare opportunity for a girl my age, and I was worrying about... clothing??? Material things?? How quickly I forget how our Lord provides! He will provide clothing and material things. I just need to trust Him to guide me to make quick decisions. He wants me instead to focus on His Kingdom and glorifying Him. I have a truly unique opportunity to do so. He wants me to focus on preparing my heart rather than my suitcase.
That brought me comfort... until I realized that I don't know how to go about my tasks for VBS! It's not a huge job, yet I found myself worrying. Doubts plagued my mind. What makes me think that I'm so mature that I can do this? I'm only a teenager! What can I really do? And I am so uneloquent; I don't know how to share about the Lord clearly, especially across cultural barriers! Fear arose in me once again. Yet the Lord gently and lovingly chided me yet again by reminding me of Moses. I looked up the passage in Exodus, and realized how much I am like Moses! When God called him, he was afraid. He made excuses. But God reminded him Who was in control. Moses' second excuse was that he was slow of speech and not eloquent; how could he go before Pharaoh and say all these things? But God reminded him Who made his mouth! If I'm doing something for the sake of the Kingdom, why am I afraid? God is with me, for He is the One working! He chooses to use broken vessels like us even for his glorious purposes!
Ok, well, I'm sure you all know by now that once I get started on a blog post, I can't stop. I always think to myself, "Oh, it'll just be a short one this time! That way people will actually want to read it!" Ehehe... I really can't write short blog posts. =) But, I just wanted to close with a passage that the Lord gave me last year in India-
"This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict."
-Luke 21:13-15
