May 29, 2010- India Missions trip.

I pushed open the door to the sanctuary to find dozens of eager little faces smiling at me from the mat on the floor. Today was the day of the gospel musical presentation we had put together. Our program consisted of singing psalms and hymns, a short skit of the Abraham and Isaac story, and a gospel message by the pastor of the church. We had worked hard all week in preparation for this day- singing, planning, acting- and now, it was finally here. But at the moment, I was more thrilled to see these these familiar faces looking up at me. This presentation was a follow-up to the VBS we had conducted the previous week; it was an opportunity for the children to invite their family and friends to see what they had learned at VBS and hear the gospel preached. We even had the children sing their VBS songs for the parents!

Since we had gotten to know many of these children so well, I was eager to see them again! I smiled back at the shining faces and waved to a few. We still had several minutes before the program started, so I knew that I had time to talk to some of them. As I scanned the crowd for familiar faces, one little girl caught my eye. She was very small, her curly black hair was pulled into pigtails, and her eyes looked very glossy and red, but when I smiled at her, she returned the sweetest smile of pure happiness with the attention I had given her. I did not remember her from VBS; she must have been a friend of some of the others. But something about this girl just captured my heart.

The program continued very smoothly as planned, and afterwards, we had a time of games and refreshment for all our guests. Naturally, the children wanted to play their favorite game- duck, duck, goose (a game that was still a novelty to them). So the game commenced, with many laughs as several adults joined in. As I glanced up from the game, I saw the very same little girl (I later found out her name was Swathi) I had seen earlier heading towards me. Fairly certain that she knew no English, I tapped the floor next to me, inviting her to sit with me. The sweet smile appeared on her face again as she nodded and sat next to me. I soon became engrossed in the entertainment of the game, so much so that I was surprised to find a little hand tugging at my skirt. I looked down at Swathi and was met with her hopeful eyes looking into mine as she gestured to my lap, silently asking for permission to sit there. I nodded, and she climbed into my lap. No words were spoken, but I could just see by her shining eyes how much she valued the love she was receiving. As I put an arm around her, I wondered to myself, “Where does she come from? Is she being loved there?” A lump rose in my throat. It is amazing how love can transcend language barriers. But oh, how I longed for her to know the everlasting love of Jesus! Yet because of the language barrier, I was incapable of even telling her about this love. In that moment, all I could do was trust in the Lord's perfect plan and pray that she would grow up to know His unending, unfading love.

Hello, world.

...Or blog readers. That works, too. =)

Sooo. How do I explain my 4-month silence?

...

Not coming up with a valid excuse. (Laziness is not valid.) =)

See, it goes something like this: Life is jammed packed with action, silences, laughter, tears, and many, many lessons that God has been teaching me. Then, I get overwhelmed by everything that is going on and fail to update. And it all piles up. And the motivation to update hits rock bottom. =) But, I really am going to try to work on changing that pattern this fall, because I am taking a writing class that requires journals. So, hopefully, some of them will end up on here.

Until THAT happens... =) Here's my summer in pictures!

India 2010 (May 12-June 9)

Teaching VBS

Little friends

Abraham and Isaac skit for Gospel Musical Presentation

The girls on the team =)

Too much fun... =)

Climbing hills, exploring hidden trails...

Happiness in a picture! =)

Our team.*Smiles* =)

"For where your treasure is..."

Here I sit at the computer. It's 1:15 am- I'm tired, wearing a Butler bulldogs t-shirt, and my cheeks are adorned with blue and white face paint. Yes, I just returned from the epic, historic Butler bulldogs game, which I watched on the screens set up at Hinkle Fieldhouse. It was a fun game- there were about 20 of us who went, and it was thrilling to witness such a close game. But it ended in a rather disappointing loss.

As we walked back to the car, a feeling of defeat quieted everyone. So close, so close! - but not close enough. We made some encouraging remarks about how well Butler played, how they put up a wonderful fight. Yet somehow, it was just hard to shake the depressing atmosphere. On the car ride home, my sister Anjali pointed out that this loss will give Butler something to work towards, for if they had won, it would have been the peak of their career- a peak from which there's nowhere else to go but downhill. My mind flashed back to the winter olympics months earlier. Yes, this was true. So many people invest their lives in these things that wear out. Earthly victories can be so empty.

Suddenly, God brought this verse to my mind-

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~Matthew 6:21

All this got me thinking- where is my treasure? Where is my heart? What do I invest myself in? Do I live for each momentary thrill, or seek joy in what really matters? Do I seek happiness in events, entertainment, or people? Or do I seek satisfaction in the One who will never change, who is always faithful?

If I look back on my life 30 years from now, what will I see? Will I have invest my heart, emotions, and energy in the fleeting pleasures of life, or in that which will last in eternity? Will I have run for a perishable wreath or and imperishable crown? (1 Cor. 9:25)

Now, this whole Butler scenario is rather amusing to look at, because I'm not really that into sports. I like basketball, but honestly, normally I wouldn't have a clue (or particularly care) who was playing in the final four or the national championship. It's just because it's my sisters' school in my city. In other words, my heart may not lie wrapped up in a sports victory. But it got me thinking- where is my heart? What DO I live for?

Lord, teach me to live each moment for You. Teach me to invest my time, energy, and emotions in what really matters. Help me to lay up imperishable treasure in heaven. Help me to just live each day honestly, not trying to make myself feel the thrill of the moment. Just living. Delight my heart in You as I seek You each day. Thrill me to the core by what You've already done for me, and all that You will do in my life.

So.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I feel very guilty posting at all on here, since, as I regret to say, this will not be a "real" post.

I just wanted to share one thought:

The things of this world wear out. So does our enthusiasm for them.

But when we see our GOD at work, our wonder of Him does not fade. Rather, the more we see glimpses of our LORD, the more awed we become.

Now, *that* is something to live for. =)

So, my internet silence does not imply that the last 4 months have been empty. No indeed, God has shown me some incredible things- so many, that I don't know where to begin. (That, and, I am lazy. *sigh*) But, hopefully, HOPEFULLY, a post should be forthcoming in the near future. =)

Until then... delight in our God for Who He is and how He has shown Himself to you- and join me as we strive to seek His face each day!

"You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." ~ Psalm 40:5

(photography, once again, by Beth- this time, from India!)

Return of the King

Wednesday night.

Fewer words fill me with such dread.

....

Ok, I'm kidding. Sorry, I like being melodramatic. ;-)

But still, Wednesday nights are not something that I've looked forward to this semester. Wednesday night, the night before government class, when I realize that I am behind on many assignments and find myself in a panic over what to do. Wednesday night, the middle of the week, where my conscience is abruptly shown how lazy I've been over the weekend and all the damage of my procrastination. Wednesday night, the night were I lose what little control I had on my emotions and words, saying things that I will sorely regret upon waking the next morning.

(And guess who has to put up with me on Wednesday nights? That's right, my family. My patient, long-suffering family. It's amazing how much God can teach you just within your family.)

So here I was, in the mess of Wednesday night, distressed and selfish as usual. Because of course, on Wednesday nights, the world revolves around Vineeta. Oh yes, she is the priority, all her needs and wants must be put before others. If anyone should say the slightest thing with the slightest connotation that might grate on Vineeta's incredibly sensitive nerves, off with their heads! (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

And then, it happened.

The true King heroically burst in, assumed command, and put the would-be queen (i.e. spoiled brat) Vineeta in her place.

It happened like this. Still basking in the fumes of my self-centered stress, I wandered into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Suddenly, I heard a faint noise. Could that be a cry for help coming from my grandpa's bedroom? Unsure of what to do, I peeked in his open doorway to see if anything was wrong. Not seeing him anywhere, I continued into the room. Sure enough, there was my 94-year old grandfather sitting on the floor. He was not injured, but he had tripped over something, fallen down, and was unable to pull himself up without assistance. I ran to get help from my mom, and together, we managed to pull him off the floor and into a chair.

Yet through this little incident, my mirror of vanity was shattered. I still cannot say exactly what happened, but all I know is this: our almighty Lord works in mysterious ways to draw His people back to Himself. In this little gesture, my eyes had been opened. My grandpa is 94. I don't know how much longer he will be with us on earth. Life is short. And in the whirl-wind life that I had been surrounding myself with, I had forgotten that simple truth. There is far more to life than my schoolwork. The world does not revolve around me. "My" world does not even revolve around me. My world revolves around the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet here I was, trying to put me in the center. No wonder I was only finding frustration.

What joy comes from taking the focus off oneself and focusing on the One who is worthy of honor and glory! Life is short. I cannot wait until I am in college. I cannot wait until I have a family of my own. I cannot wait "just a little bit longer." The time to focus my entire being on loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength- that time is now. I know that should I live to be old and gray, my regrets will be the time that I wasted vainly on myself, instead of investing my heart in Christ. Though my schedule may seem full, it's a commitment to dwell with Him. There are so many hours of the day where I go about my mundane tasks while letting my mind meander. It's taking moments like that and seeking His face. It is a difficult discipline, but by His grace, He gives strength to keep seeking, and joy in the end. He says, "You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with ALL YOUR HEART."

Enough procrastination. It's time to discipline this lazy mind to love the Lord and seek His face.

"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth..." ~Ecclesiastes 12:1

In His perfect timing

*Checks date of last post*

*Checks today's date*

*cough*

Um.... hi! =)

I'm really bad at updating. BUT, it does get done, eventually.

Sort of. =)

So, my last post was before India... wow, that seems like years ago!! How can so much happen in two months? And how in the world can I summarize what I learned from even one month in just one post? I guess this will take a few posts. =)

In my last post, I talked about how I didn't feel prepared. What I learned when I arrived in India is that I couldn't possibly have prepared myself. We arrived in Bangalore around midnight on Friday morning. Already having landed, I was still unsure and prepared. The next morning, when I woke up, I STILL wasn't prepared. Why?

Well, because God's timing is perfect. =) He is the only One who can prepare my heart to serve Him.

Here's a cut/edited portion of my *cough one and only* journal entry during the trip:

"Saturday, after breakfast, we had a team meeting. Pastor George updated us on the situation of the church. The situation has changed drastically at Covenant Bible Presbyterian Church. There is now a factor of persecution, from a hostile landlord who has his eye on the church's property. Yet this is location is where the Lord has called them to, and they are determined to trust Him and persevere.

"Though I had heard their mission statement before, this new location just gave it a whole new perspective. It was truly beautiful and stirring to see their heart for serving the Lord through this ministry. I felt like this was finally the answer to my fervent prayer that God would prepare my heart for India. Though I know He was doing it bit by bit, this felt like the final shove. That talk is what God used most powerfully to prepare me. As I meditated on it and spent quality time with God that weekend, I realized He was giving me a perspective for the past year AND the upcoming month of serving Him.

"My problem with the previous trip was that I was out to serve me. Honestly, I was concerned with my reputation. Because I was the youngest, I felt that I had to make a name for myself. This year, I had more responsibilities, and I was nervous. Yet what God showed me was that it's really not about me. I am here to serve Hm and His Kingdom, not myself or man. Suddenly, it didn't matter if my service was a success or a failure in man's eyes. God knows my heart, and no matter what comes out of my mouth, He can and will use it for His glory. The truth (that He's been showing me over the past semester) is that I am weak, immature, inexperienced- in general, not all that I'm cracked up to be. Yet that didn't matter, because it's not about me! He uses even the weakest vessels for His glory. I trust that He will, for this is why He had me on this team.

"Now, I am overjoyed to see His hand in my life over the past year. His timing is not my timing, and for that, I am glad, because it is far better than I could ever imagine!

"After realizing this, I felt ready and eager to serve Him. I have seen God's hand at work this week, especially in VBS. Though I don't know what lies ahead, I am eager to see what the Lord will do, for I am confident that He will do much for His glory!"

The LORD of hosts has sworn:
"As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand... For the LORD of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?"
-Isaiah 14: 24, 27

Of Packing

Ooookay.... long time no update. But here I am, with a real, live post!! *gasp* =)

So, I assume that most of you know that in exactly one week, I will be leaving the country for Bangalore, India. My dad is leading a month-long missions trip through our church, as he did last year. Yeah, it really is that soon. =) So, I've gotten a lot of questions lately, such as, "How are the preparations for India coming?" and "Are you all packed yet?" You would think that with a week left, I would be half-packed, fired up, and ready to go!

Not so, my friends, not so.

Let me just explain that I have this irrational fear of packing. I think it's because throughout my childhood, I had vivid dreams of going to church conferences and the like, and in those dreams, I always forgot something important, or I forgot everything. So I hate packing, because I am paranoid about forgetting something. I also just don't like making decisions- I can't always know what I will need for a month, and what I should leave behind. So overall, packing is a miserable experience for me. Which is why I haven't even so much as gotten my suitcase out. I haven't done any laundry, I haven't set aside clothes or anything for packing, I haven't even looked at my packing list! And the silly thing is, I know that if I wait till the last minute, I am bound to forget more than if I can pack slowly and think about it. Yet I still insist on procrastinating. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Irrational indeed. =)

Well, tonight I was sitting here, and I suddenly realized just how worried I have been about this whole packing thing. I am so afraid that I won't have enough time, yet I am loath to begin. For some reason, I began to panic. What if I didn't have enough time to pack? I'm still busy trying to finish up school and other things! Plus there's just so much VBS preparation to do! What if I won't get to pack, and I'll have to get all stressed out trying to pack on the day before leaving?

As I was rambling about all these worries to God, He suddenly reminded me of a passage-

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ...And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ...But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
-Matthew 6:25, 27-31, 33

I suddenly realized how silly I was being. Here I was, about to leave for a month-long mission trip to India, a rare opportunity for a girl my age, and I was worrying about... clothing??? Material things?? How quickly I forget how our Lord provides! He will provide clothing and material things. I just need to trust Him to guide me to make quick decisions. He wants me instead to focus on His Kingdom and glorifying Him. I have a truly unique opportunity to do so. He wants me to focus on preparing my heart rather than my suitcase.

That brought me comfort... until I realized that I don't know how to go about my tasks for VBS! It's not a huge job, yet I found myself worrying. Doubts plagued my mind. What makes me think that I'm so mature that I can do this? I'm only a teenager! What can I really do? And I am so uneloquent; I don't know how to share about the Lord clearly, especially across cultural barriers! Fear arose in me once again. Yet the Lord gently and lovingly chided me yet again by reminding me of Moses. I looked up the passage in Exodus, and realized how much I am like Moses! When God called him, he was afraid. He made excuses. But God reminded him Who was in control. Moses' second excuse was that he was slow of speech and not eloquent; how could he go before Pharaoh and say all these things? But God reminded him Who made his mouth! If I'm doing something for the sake of the Kingdom, why am I afraid? God is with me, for He is the One working! He chooses to use broken vessels like us even for his glorious purposes!

Ok, well, I'm sure you all know by now that once I get started on a blog post, I can't stop. I always think to myself, "Oh, it'll just be a short one this time! That way people will actually want to read it!" Ehehe... I really can't write short blog posts. =) But, I just wanted to close with a passage that the Lord gave me last year in India-

"This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict."

-Luke 21:13-15