"Only Three Weeks"

As soon as she walked in the church door, my friend gave me a hug. "Aww, this is your last Sunday here!" she cried. "I'm going to miss you!" A bit perplexed, I returned the sentiment, but then added, "It's only three weeks."

Only three weeks.

For the rest of the day, I found myself repeating that phrase to many other friends as I said my goodbyes.

That time of year has sneaked up on us faster than ever before. That time of year is referring to mid-May, when my family has been able to lead a mission team to Bangalore, India, for the past three years. This will be our fourth trip, but so many factors will be different this time. Firstly, our time will be shorter. Instead of a four-week trip, we will have only three weeks to complete our variety of ministry activities. Secondly, we are trying to do much more than we ever have- in a shorter period of time. Thirdly, many sudden changes of plans have rendered us virtually incapable of knowing what to expect.

All these factors, combined with the business of the day-to-day busy school and work schedules, have made this year feel most sudden. Honestly, I am still having a hard time making myself believe that in only two days we will be landing in Bangalore.

Yet today, God began stirring in my heart a question. Why is it that I choose to describe this trip as "only three weeks"? Why am I discouraging the excitement of my friends and church family with this belittling phrase?

Somehow, in the midst of frustration and preparation, I had come to see this trip as just that- a short time crowded with much work. A trip full of one event after the other with little sleep in between. A trip where we wouldn't have the time to develop relationships and connect with the church like we had before.

But God kept pressing one challenge on my heart:
"Is my hand shortened, that I cannot redeem?
Or have I no power to deliver?" [Isaiah 50:2]

Though we have planned and purposed, few of those plans seem to be working out. In the midst of my confusion, I forget that He is the One who is directing our steps. He WILL work for the glory of His name and His Kingdom. Though I struggle with lacking eyes of faith, His Kingdom purposes will be accomplished. When His word goes out, it will not return void. No matter how unprepared and weak we His vessels feel, He is pleased to use such feeble people as us to labor for His Kingdom.

Lord, restore to me the eyes of faith. Keep me from seeing this trip as "only three weeks."

May we be joyful prayer as we anticipate these three weeks of seeing God at work in the nation on India!

Once more...

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The sound of the buzzer pierced the air as the scores of fans alongside me leaped up screaming with happiness. Butler had won! The Bulldogs were headed to the Championship! Hinkle Fieldhouse was indeed alive and celebrating the victory. My sisters and I had come to join the mass of fans at the viewing party. It was indeed a thrilling evening; the Fieldhouse was packed with people, and the time-outs and breaks were set up to make one feel that this was the actual game we were experiencing. Earlier, I was hesitating in my decision to go, but I certainly do not regret it now. It is so fun to see all of Indianapolis- and even Indiana overall- rally together to support this one team from this tiny school. And for the second year in a row, the Bulldogs have a chance at winning the championship.

~*~

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

In total contrast to Saturday, the cheering at Hinkle Fieldhouse was subdued. Three minutes to go, and the earlier frenzied noise of the substantial crowd had died down to a few half-hearted cheers. Three minutes to go, and the Butler Bulldogs trailed the U-Conn Huskies by thirteen points. I scanned the crowd and saw the solemn looks of resignation all around me. When many people began gathering their belongings and leaving the fieldhouse, we had to face the sad truth. The Bulldogs were going to lose the NCAA Championship game for the second year in a row.

The Bulldogs knew it too. After perhaps their worst night full of mistakes, they could not recover. Unlike last year, they did not even have the comfort of knowing that they played a good game. The looks on their faces from the plasma screen were heart-rending. I just kept thinking to myself, “If we are this disappointed, I cannot imagine how they feel right now.”

News articles this morning confirmed that thought. Reports poured in, telling of their breakdowns in the locker room after the game. Just reading about it brought tears to my eyes. And yet, I was moved by the stories that told of the clarity that moment brought to them: it was truly not about winning, or even ultimately how they played last night. Though the scars remain, what really mattered is that they were a team, a unit that loved and cared about each other.

I could empathize with that realization. Here I was, getting caught up in the defeat of my favorite basketball team. As sad as it was, it reminded me how small this event is in the grand spectrum of life. Yes, it was disappointing, but there are far greater and more glorious things in life than a basketball game. There are far more things worthy of focusing my time and mental energy on. Lord, thank You for using this game to remind me, as You did last year at this time, to invest my heart in what truly matters. Teach me to lay up incorruptible treasure in heaven.

“...They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.” ~ 1 Corinthians 9:25

Inception.

Imagine.

Imagine that the world around you is not true reality.

This is a concept that has been pondered and explored over and over through literature and film. But the 2010 box office hit movie Inception puts a slightly different spin on the issue-

What if the world around you was actually a dream cleverly designed by someone else? What if you could create a dream for others, travel inside it and plant an idea in their minds?

In a fascinating plot of dreams and reality, protagonist Dom Cobb is a professional “extractor”- essentially a thief who steals ideas from the dreams of brilliant businessmen before they have a chance to act on those ideas. The film's main plot begins when Cobb is offered an even riskier job- inception, the planting of an idea in another's mind via dreams. Along the way he assembles a team of brilliant dream-thieves, encounters unexpected mental bulwarks and struggles with his unfulfilled desire to leave his work behind and return home to his two motherless children.

I had heard many great reviews on this movie, but this weekend I was finally able to watch it and appraise it myself. Honestly, I was not expecting to like it because I had heard it was thoroughly confusing. But surprisingly, Inception's clever plot and unique twists blew me away! I truly enjoyed every minute of the movie. The mental challenge of the concepts was both stretching and fun. It was definitely not a typical science-fiction movie. In fact, I found it to be more artsy and emotional, qualities that I enjoy in a movie.

However, as I thought about it further, I noticed that I have had a greater interest in fantasy books and movies lately. There is nothing wrong with fantasy, in and of itself, but it too often seems like an escape from reality. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Satan often likes to make us think that fantasy is better than reality. This is why it is so crucial to analyze the message of movies like Inception, which question whether reality is better than the dream. For some (like me), tuning out of life's difficulties and turning to fantasy can be a great temptation. As I pondered this temptation, God brought Psalm 4:2-3 to my mind-

“O men... How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him.”

I love this passage because it gives the reason for turning aside from vain lies- the LORD has set apart me apart for Himself. He hears me when I call to Him. He desires an intimate relationship with me. This is reality, and it is beautiful, indeed, far more beautiful than any fantasy world you could ever think of! Lord Jesus, keep me from the love of vain lies. Show me the beauty of reality in the gospel. Help me to embrace that awesome truth of Your love.

Belated Thanksgiving Thoughts.

This is a portion of a journal entry I wrote over Thanksgiving break.

~*~

...Thanksgiving day itself was so much fun! After staying up ridiculously late talking to Nick and Nirmala, who are both home for break, I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed in time for the 9:30 Thanksgiving service at church. It was a small and informal affair, but it was nevertheless a great way to start out my day. We had a time of singing and prayer, and Pastor Johnston read a children's version of the Thanksgiving story. I was expecting to hear just the same old facts I had heard all my life, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that the book was a very well-written account from Squanto's perspective. It kept a very biblical worldview as it told of his kidnapping, slavery in Europe and finally his return to America. It even compared Squanto to Joseph in the Old Testament, who went through many torturous trials, yet God was behind it all, working it together for good. Reminding me to thank God in all circumstances, the story definitely gave a good perspective to Thanksgiving day.

Now that I think about it, God was laying that message on my heart all day. In the morning, I read Psalm 40 during my quiet time. What struck me about that particular psalm is the way David recalled God's help and praised Him for His deliverance. But David was not in a time of peace and plenty; on the contrary, he seemed to be in a difficult situation, for in verse 17 he calls himself poor and needy. But he still begins this beautiful psalm by remembering what God has already done for him. For many, this Thanksgiving day does not come in the midst of a time of prosperity but in a time of struggle. Yet both the psalm and the story reminded me that it was a day to pause and be encouraged in any circumstances because I have seen the Lord's goodness at work in my life. He is ever faithful and unchanging, and He will work all these things together for His glory.

The ECHO Experience

As my sophomore year came to a close, I was faced with the realization that next fall, I would be a junior. This meant harder classes, college preparation, and generally more responsibility. Suddenly, my parents were not reminding me to do everything anymore. I had to take the initiative. I was nervous. I was not sure I could handle the responsibility of growing up.

But this summer, I had an experience that changed my view of responsibility. I took a two-week trip to Florida with thirteen other high school students to work at an agricultural farm called ECHO- Educational Concerns for Hunger Organization. Here, interns are trained to grow crops in different soils. Then, they take this skill with them to hungry people in the world and impart this knowledge to them. We were simply there to assist their work. I was eager to be a part of such an amazing ministry, yet just as I feared responsibility, I feared that I would not be able to handle the harsh conditions and physical labor. Little did I know how much God would use this ECHO experience to change my life.

Certainly I learned much about hard work at ECHO. Yet what struck me the most- between the sun's blazing heat and the sore muscles- was that I am not alone in this process of growing up. This was my first trip where I had no family members or close friends with me. When the day's work was exhausting and I found myself overwhelmed by the dynamics of relationships with those around me, I had no family or older friends to talk to about it. For the first time in my life, I knew that going to God was my only option. I knew I was totally dependent on Him. As I learned to take each struggle and burden to Him, I found a peace that I had never known before. Each time I ran to Him, confused, tired, and guilty over sin, I found compassion. I realized that He wanted me to come to Him; He wanted to give me rest.

This ECHO experience made me see that He is with me as I take on more responsibility. I realized that growing up is not about standing on your own two feet, being independent, or having all the answers. No, growing up in Christ is about becoming more and more dependent on Christ. I have seen my weakness and insufficiency greatly this summer. Yet I have also seen that His grace is sufficient for my life, for He is with me always.

~*~

Well, this is rather late. =P Still catching up with my summer... but here's some pictures of some of my highlights!

The work! (Potting bamboo plants here)

The Breakfast Line

Friendship!

Machetes! =D (Beware...)

Mudfights!

Our amazing team.

May 29, 2010- India Missions trip.

I pushed open the door to the sanctuary to find dozens of eager little faces smiling at me from the mat on the floor. Today was the day of the gospel musical presentation we had put together. Our program consisted of singing psalms and hymns, a short skit of the Abraham and Isaac story, and a gospel message by the pastor of the church. We had worked hard all week in preparation for this day- singing, planning, acting- and now, it was finally here. But at the moment, I was more thrilled to see these these familiar faces looking up at me. This presentation was a follow-up to the VBS we had conducted the previous week; it was an opportunity for the children to invite their family and friends to see what they had learned at VBS and hear the gospel preached. We even had the children sing their VBS songs for the parents!

Since we had gotten to know many of these children so well, I was eager to see them again! I smiled back at the shining faces and waved to a few. We still had several minutes before the program started, so I knew that I had time to talk to some of them. As I scanned the crowd for familiar faces, one little girl caught my eye. She was very small, her curly black hair was pulled into pigtails, and her eyes looked very glossy and red, but when I smiled at her, she returned the sweetest smile of pure happiness with the attention I had given her. I did not remember her from VBS; she must have been a friend of some of the others. But something about this girl just captured my heart.

The program continued very smoothly as planned, and afterwards, we had a time of games and refreshment for all our guests. Naturally, the children wanted to play their favorite game- duck, duck, goose (a game that was still a novelty to them). So the game commenced, with many laughs as several adults joined in. As I glanced up from the game, I saw the very same little girl (I later found out her name was Swathi) I had seen earlier heading towards me. Fairly certain that she knew no English, I tapped the floor next to me, inviting her to sit with me. The sweet smile appeared on her face again as she nodded and sat next to me. I soon became engrossed in the entertainment of the game, so much so that I was surprised to find a little hand tugging at my skirt. I looked down at Swathi and was met with her hopeful eyes looking into mine as she gestured to my lap, silently asking for permission to sit there. I nodded, and she climbed into my lap. No words were spoken, but I could just see by her shining eyes how much she valued the love she was receiving. As I put an arm around her, I wondered to myself, “Where does she come from? Is she being loved there?” A lump rose in my throat. It is amazing how love can transcend language barriers. But oh, how I longed for her to know the everlasting love of Jesus! Yet because of the language barrier, I was incapable of even telling her about this love. In that moment, all I could do was trust in the Lord's perfect plan and pray that she would grow up to know His unending, unfading love.

Hello, world.

...Or blog readers. That works, too. =)

Sooo. How do I explain my 4-month silence?

...

Not coming up with a valid excuse. (Laziness is not valid.) =)

See, it goes something like this: Life is jammed packed with action, silences, laughter, tears, and many, many lessons that God has been teaching me. Then, I get overwhelmed by everything that is going on and fail to update. And it all piles up. And the motivation to update hits rock bottom. =) But, I really am going to try to work on changing that pattern this fall, because I am taking a writing class that requires journals. So, hopefully, some of them will end up on here.

Until THAT happens... =) Here's my summer in pictures!

India 2010 (May 12-June 9)

Teaching VBS

Little friends

Abraham and Isaac skit for Gospel Musical Presentation

The girls on the team =)

Too much fun... =)

Climbing hills, exploring hidden trails...

Happiness in a picture! =)

Our team.*Smiles* =)

"For where your treasure is..."

Here I sit at the computer. It's 1:15 am- I'm tired, wearing a Butler bulldogs t-shirt, and my cheeks are adorned with blue and white face paint. Yes, I just returned from the epic, historic Butler bulldogs game, which I watched on the screens set up at Hinkle Fieldhouse. It was a fun game- there were about 20 of us who went, and it was thrilling to witness such a close game. But it ended in a rather disappointing loss.

As we walked back to the car, a feeling of defeat quieted everyone. So close, so close! - but not close enough. We made some encouraging remarks about how well Butler played, how they put up a wonderful fight. Yet somehow, it was just hard to shake the depressing atmosphere. On the car ride home, my sister Anjali pointed out that this loss will give Butler something to work towards, for if they had won, it would have been the peak of their career- a peak from which there's nowhere else to go but downhill. My mind flashed back to the winter olympics months earlier. Yes, this was true. So many people invest their lives in these things that wear out. Earthly victories can be so empty.

Suddenly, God brought this verse to my mind-

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~Matthew 6:21

All this got me thinking- where is my treasure? Where is my heart? What do I invest myself in? Do I live for each momentary thrill, or seek joy in what really matters? Do I seek happiness in events, entertainment, or people? Or do I seek satisfaction in the One who will never change, who is always faithful?

If I look back on my life 30 years from now, what will I see? Will I have invest my heart, emotions, and energy in the fleeting pleasures of life, or in that which will last in eternity? Will I have run for a perishable wreath or and imperishable crown? (1 Cor. 9:25)

Now, this whole Butler scenario is rather amusing to look at, because I'm not really that into sports. I like basketball, but honestly, normally I wouldn't have a clue (or particularly care) who was playing in the final four or the national championship. It's just because it's my sisters' school in my city. In other words, my heart may not lie wrapped up in a sports victory. But it got me thinking- where is my heart? What DO I live for?

Lord, teach me to live each moment for You. Teach me to invest my time, energy, and emotions in what really matters. Help me to lay up imperishable treasure in heaven. Help me to just live each day honestly, not trying to make myself feel the thrill of the moment. Just living. Delight my heart in You as I seek You each day. Thrill me to the core by what You've already done for me, and all that You will do in my life.

So.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I feel very guilty posting at all on here, since, as I regret to say, this will not be a "real" post.

I just wanted to share one thought:

The things of this world wear out. So does our enthusiasm for them.

But when we see our GOD at work, our wonder of Him does not fade. Rather, the more we see glimpses of our LORD, the more awed we become.

Now, *that* is something to live for. =)

So, my internet silence does not imply that the last 4 months have been empty. No indeed, God has shown me some incredible things- so many, that I don't know where to begin. (That, and, I am lazy. *sigh*) But, hopefully, HOPEFULLY, a post should be forthcoming in the near future. =)

Until then... delight in our God for Who He is and how He has shown Himself to you- and join me as we strive to seek His face each day!

"You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." ~ Psalm 40:5

(photography, once again, by Beth- this time, from India!)

Return of the King

Wednesday night.

Fewer words fill me with such dread.

....

Ok, I'm kidding. Sorry, I like being melodramatic. ;-)

But still, Wednesday nights are not something that I've looked forward to this semester. Wednesday night, the night before government class, when I realize that I am behind on many assignments and find myself in a panic over what to do. Wednesday night, the middle of the week, where my conscience is abruptly shown how lazy I've been over the weekend and all the damage of my procrastination. Wednesday night, the night were I lose what little control I had on my emotions and words, saying things that I will sorely regret upon waking the next morning.

(And guess who has to put up with me on Wednesday nights? That's right, my family. My patient, long-suffering family. It's amazing how much God can teach you just within your family.)

So here I was, in the mess of Wednesday night, distressed and selfish as usual. Because of course, on Wednesday nights, the world revolves around Vineeta. Oh yes, she is the priority, all her needs and wants must be put before others. If anyone should say the slightest thing with the slightest connotation that might grate on Vineeta's incredibly sensitive nerves, off with their heads! (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

And then, it happened.

The true King heroically burst in, assumed command, and put the would-be queen (i.e. spoiled brat) Vineeta in her place.

It happened like this. Still basking in the fumes of my self-centered stress, I wandered into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Suddenly, I heard a faint noise. Could that be a cry for help coming from my grandpa's bedroom? Unsure of what to do, I peeked in his open doorway to see if anything was wrong. Not seeing him anywhere, I continued into the room. Sure enough, there was my 94-year old grandfather sitting on the floor. He was not injured, but he had tripped over something, fallen down, and was unable to pull himself up without assistance. I ran to get help from my mom, and together, we managed to pull him off the floor and into a chair.

Yet through this little incident, my mirror of vanity was shattered. I still cannot say exactly what happened, but all I know is this: our almighty Lord works in mysterious ways to draw His people back to Himself. In this little gesture, my eyes had been opened. My grandpa is 94. I don't know how much longer he will be with us on earth. Life is short. And in the whirl-wind life that I had been surrounding myself with, I had forgotten that simple truth. There is far more to life than my schoolwork. The world does not revolve around me. "My" world does not even revolve around me. My world revolves around the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet here I was, trying to put me in the center. No wonder I was only finding frustration.

What joy comes from taking the focus off oneself and focusing on the One who is worthy of honor and glory! Life is short. I cannot wait until I am in college. I cannot wait until I have a family of my own. I cannot wait "just a little bit longer." The time to focus my entire being on loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength- that time is now. I know that should I live to be old and gray, my regrets will be the time that I wasted vainly on myself, instead of investing my heart in Christ. Though my schedule may seem full, it's a commitment to dwell with Him. There are so many hours of the day where I go about my mundane tasks while letting my mind meander. It's taking moments like that and seeking His face. It is a difficult discipline, but by His grace, He gives strength to keep seeking, and joy in the end. He says, "You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with ALL YOUR HEART."

Enough procrastination. It's time to discipline this lazy mind to love the Lord and seek His face.

"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth..." ~Ecclesiastes 12:1

In His perfect timing

*Checks date of last post*

*Checks today's date*

*cough*

Um.... hi! =)

I'm really bad at updating. BUT, it does get done, eventually.

Sort of. =)

So, my last post was before India... wow, that seems like years ago!! How can so much happen in two months? And how in the world can I summarize what I learned from even one month in just one post? I guess this will take a few posts. =)

In my last post, I talked about how I didn't feel prepared. What I learned when I arrived in India is that I couldn't possibly have prepared myself. We arrived in Bangalore around midnight on Friday morning. Already having landed, I was still unsure and prepared. The next morning, when I woke up, I STILL wasn't prepared. Why?

Well, because God's timing is perfect. =) He is the only One who can prepare my heart to serve Him.

Here's a cut/edited portion of my *cough one and only* journal entry during the trip:

"Saturday, after breakfast, we had a team meeting. Pastor George updated us on the situation of the church. The situation has changed drastically at Covenant Bible Presbyterian Church. There is now a factor of persecution, from a hostile landlord who has his eye on the church's property. Yet this is location is where the Lord has called them to, and they are determined to trust Him and persevere.

"Though I had heard their mission statement before, this new location just gave it a whole new perspective. It was truly beautiful and stirring to see their heart for serving the Lord through this ministry. I felt like this was finally the answer to my fervent prayer that God would prepare my heart for India. Though I know He was doing it bit by bit, this felt like the final shove. That talk is what God used most powerfully to prepare me. As I meditated on it and spent quality time with God that weekend, I realized He was giving me a perspective for the past year AND the upcoming month of serving Him.

"My problem with the previous trip was that I was out to serve me. Honestly, I was concerned with my reputation. Because I was the youngest, I felt that I had to make a name for myself. This year, I had more responsibilities, and I was nervous. Yet what God showed me was that it's really not about me. I am here to serve Hm and His Kingdom, not myself or man. Suddenly, it didn't matter if my service was a success or a failure in man's eyes. God knows my heart, and no matter what comes out of my mouth, He can and will use it for His glory. The truth (that He's been showing me over the past semester) is that I am weak, immature, inexperienced- in general, not all that I'm cracked up to be. Yet that didn't matter, because it's not about me! He uses even the weakest vessels for His glory. I trust that He will, for this is why He had me on this team.

"Now, I am overjoyed to see His hand in my life over the past year. His timing is not my timing, and for that, I am glad, because it is far better than I could ever imagine!

"After realizing this, I felt ready and eager to serve Him. I have seen God's hand at work this week, especially in VBS. Though I don't know what lies ahead, I am eager to see what the Lord will do, for I am confident that He will do much for His glory!"

The LORD of hosts has sworn:
"As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand... For the LORD of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?"
-Isaiah 14: 24, 27

Of Packing

Ooookay.... long time no update. But here I am, with a real, live post!! *gasp* =)

So, I assume that most of you know that in exactly one week, I will be leaving the country for Bangalore, India. My dad is leading a month-long missions trip through our church, as he did last year. Yeah, it really is that soon. =) So, I've gotten a lot of questions lately, such as, "How are the preparations for India coming?" and "Are you all packed yet?" You would think that with a week left, I would be half-packed, fired up, and ready to go!

Not so, my friends, not so.

Let me just explain that I have this irrational fear of packing. I think it's because throughout my childhood, I had vivid dreams of going to church conferences and the like, and in those dreams, I always forgot something important, or I forgot everything. So I hate packing, because I am paranoid about forgetting something. I also just don't like making decisions- I can't always know what I will need for a month, and what I should leave behind. So overall, packing is a miserable experience for me. Which is why I haven't even so much as gotten my suitcase out. I haven't done any laundry, I haven't set aside clothes or anything for packing, I haven't even looked at my packing list! And the silly thing is, I know that if I wait till the last minute, I am bound to forget more than if I can pack slowly and think about it. Yet I still insist on procrastinating. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Irrational indeed. =)

Well, tonight I was sitting here, and I suddenly realized just how worried I have been about this whole packing thing. I am so afraid that I won't have enough time, yet I am loath to begin. For some reason, I began to panic. What if I didn't have enough time to pack? I'm still busy trying to finish up school and other things! Plus there's just so much VBS preparation to do! What if I won't get to pack, and I'll have to get all stressed out trying to pack on the day before leaving?

As I was rambling about all these worries to God, He suddenly reminded me of a passage-

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ...And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ...But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
-Matthew 6:25, 27-31, 33

I suddenly realized how silly I was being. Here I was, about to leave for a month-long mission trip to India, a rare opportunity for a girl my age, and I was worrying about... clothing??? Material things?? How quickly I forget how our Lord provides! He will provide clothing and material things. I just need to trust Him to guide me to make quick decisions. He wants me instead to focus on His Kingdom and glorifying Him. I have a truly unique opportunity to do so. He wants me to focus on preparing my heart rather than my suitcase.

That brought me comfort... until I realized that I don't know how to go about my tasks for VBS! It's not a huge job, yet I found myself worrying. Doubts plagued my mind. What makes me think that I'm so mature that I can do this? I'm only a teenager! What can I really do? And I am so uneloquent; I don't know how to share about the Lord clearly, especially across cultural barriers! Fear arose in me once again. Yet the Lord gently and lovingly chided me yet again by reminding me of Moses. I looked up the passage in Exodus, and realized how much I am like Moses! When God called him, he was afraid. He made excuses. But God reminded him Who was in control. Moses' second excuse was that he was slow of speech and not eloquent; how could he go before Pharaoh and say all these things? But God reminded him Who made his mouth! If I'm doing something for the sake of the Kingdom, why am I afraid? God is with me, for He is the One working! He chooses to use broken vessels like us even for his glorious purposes!

Ok, well, I'm sure you all know by now that once I get started on a blog post, I can't stop. I always think to myself, "Oh, it'll just be a short one this time! That way people will actually want to read it!" Ehehe... I really can't write short blog posts. =) But, I just wanted to close with a passage that the Lord gave me last year in India-

"This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict."

-Luke 21:13-15

One of my new favorite songs...

Yay! Thanks to Esther for telling me how to post vids!! =) This song is one of my favorites from the movie Fireproof.

God's hugs.

Quick question: Does anyone know how to post youtube videos in a blog post? I can't seem to figure it out. =P

Random thought: It's really hard to write what I intended to write about while listening to the more "bouncy" track on the Esther soundtrack. =P

Back to the post... which I really am going to finish. Kinda.

Excuse me, I'm really loopy from happiness and lack of sleep. =)

So, before I begin, I think I need to make a correction to a previous post. In my post "Surrender," I'm afraid painted a wrong picture. After talking with some friends a few weeks ago, I realized how easy it is to slip into the mindset that God's will and way can't be in line with our will, naturally. He does call us to surrender to Him, but that doesn't mean that God's way will always be opposite of what we want to do. He calls us to delight ourselves in Him, and He will give us the desires of our heart. A friend quoted St. Augustine on the subject- "Love God and do as you please." If we really love Him, our desires will often be in line with His will. So I wanted to apologize for possibly coming across in the wrong way. I was referring to surrendering sin and ungodly habits, as well as (not necessarily bad) desires that God wanted me to look away from so that I could see His will.

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Ok, so this will not be a very deep or intellectual post, but I wanted to share a brief encouragement from yesterday, a day full of little ups and downs...

I've been trying to break my terrible sleep pattern lately by getting up earlier. So Monday morning I was up, feeling alive and excited. Whenever I think about waking up early, I immediately begin calculating how soon I will be able to finish my homework, piano practice, and various other responsibilities. I have this crazy notion in my head that if I wake up early, I will somehow be super motivated to move fast. It happens sometimes!... but not very much. It did not happen yesterday. Somehow I had a lot of trouble getting myself to do things quickly, and between difficult, tedious school work and 2 1/2 hour long piano practice, my day went by pretty quickly. Before I knew it, it was 5:30, and time to get ready for Irish dance class. By this time I was feeling pretty discouraged at my lack of progress for the day.

At Irish dance, it was just one of those days. You know, the kind where you feel you are trying your hardest, yet no results are visible? Yeah, that kind. Come to think of it, piano practice had been just like that as well! I was so frustrated. I was working long and hard, my muscles ached, my toes were cramped from the hard shoes, yet I couldn't keep my feet "turned out," as is so necessary in Irish dance. For some reason, I was feeling very discouraged in spirit. But when the teacher called us back over to see how we were doing, she watched me do the step, smiled widely, and said, "Vineeta, your feet have never been this turned out before! It looks amazing!" Immediately my spirits soared. All that work had not been in vain. And one of the other ladies acknowledged the quality of my work! It's amazing what God can use to lift a discouraged spirit. Just a simple, short phrase of encouragement about Irish dance completely lifted my heart. Silly as it seems, I found my eyes welling up with a few tears at the unexpected blessing.

That little comment totally made my day. God created us so... creatively! He makes us to respond to situations differently. He created us with different love languages. And of course, because He made us that way, He knows exactly how to show us that kind of love. For me, that comment was exactly what I needed that day. I like to think of these things as "God's hugs"- the little things that He gives us to renew our strength and give us delight in Him. To me, God's hugs are: an encouraging email from a friend, a comment like this one, a beautiful sunset, looking up at a clear blue sky, a Scripture passage that speaks to my heart, a long talk with a friend, a morning/evening alone with Him, hearing the rustle of palm trees in the breeze, observing children (seeing what it means to have the faith of a child)... the list goes on.

What about you? What unique things does God give you to delight in Him by? What are some of God's hugs to you? =)

Brief encouragement...

Hey everyone! It's really late, so I can't give a full update, but I just wanted to share a very familiar passage. As famous as it is, God really used this passage tonight to encourage my heart and give me strength and joy in Him as I spent some time alone with Him. He brought this message straight to my heart straight to my heart just when I needed it, to restore my hope!

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"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

-Romans 8:35, 37-39

Surrender.

About a week ago, I was reading Jeremiah 38. At this point in the book, the threat of the Chaldeans' invasion was hanging over Judah. Earlier in the book, God had said that if Israel and Judah repented of their sin and idolatry and turned back to follow Him, He would relent of the foretold destruction. Now, at this point, it was too late for that. Israel and Judah refused to listen. But the Lord in His mercy offered them another option, which He presented through Jeremiah to Zedekiah the king of Judah.

 "Then Jeremiah said to Zedekiah, "Thus says the LORD, the God of hosts, the God of Israel: If you will surrender to the officials of the king of Babylon, then your life shall be spared, and this city shall not be burned with fire, and you and your house shall live. But if you do not surrender to the officials of the king of Babylon, then this city shall be given into the hand of the Chaldeans, and they shall burn it with fire, and you shall not escape from their hand." -Jeremiah 38:17-18

For some reason, this really stuck out to me. The word "surrender" caught my eye. As I thought about it, I realized that it made perfect sense in a military perspective- you know, "Surrender now, and your lives will be spared" etc., etc.  But to me, it still sounded strange. God was telling them to surrender? It doesn't seem to make sense from a spiritual perspective. My thought was, Are we not to be actively fighting against the enemy, refusing to give in? When I thought about it again, I realized that the Chaldeans were not the enemy in that situation. No, in fact, they were an instrument of God's will. The real enemy is selfishness, stubbornness, and pride. All these things are a hindrance in faith. God had a plan to save and redeem His people, but for these reasons, the people weren't willing to trust Him. Selfish concerns must have risen in hearts. Stubborn attitudes ignoring Him. Pride, people thinking that their plan is better than God's.  These are the obstructions to be fought; they are the fiery darts of the evil one.

When God wanted the people to surrender to the Chaldeans, He really was asking them to surrender to Him. It was all part of His plan. But what does it really mean to surrender? I looked up several definitions (on dictionary.com) of the word, but these were the first three:

1.	to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to the police.

2.	to give (oneself) up, as to the police.

3.	to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.:He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

I really like these three, because I think they really apply to how God wants us to surrender ourselves. Translated in simple words, He wants us to surrender our possessions, our bodies, and our lifestyle to Him.

By "possessions" I do not refer simply to physical possessions. Often, He asks us to surrender an attitude, one that is not glorifying to Him.  Selfishness, greed, rebellion, pride... all those attitudes that quietly slip into our hearts. Sometimes He asks us to surrender a physical possession, maybe one that we are a little too attached to. Sometimes He asks us to surrender a worry or a fear to Him- which, oddly, is easier said than done. He gently asks us to let Him carry our burdens.

Surrendering our bodies means offering up ourselves as a vessel of service in the Kingdom. It means letting Christ use us however He wants to- and He will most definitely use us if we let Him! It means being committed to serving Him in whatever way He presents us with.  It means sacrificing our time and energy. It means sacrificing some of the things that we as humans naturally seek after, like spare time to dote on ourselves.

The third definition just drives the other two farther into the heart. All this sacrificing that we are to do for Christ- it's not a one-time only thing. It's not a short bargain or deal. It's a lifestyle. It's a continuous, dedicated, focused effort. It begins in the little choices, like how to spend free time. It's an every-day dying to self. It's hard. Nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that taking up your cross daily is easy! But I know that it is so worth it. When I think of the contrary, I think of wallowing in guilt and misery. If we take up our cross daily, the Lord will reward us. We will reap the benefits in Christ!

I know God is calling me to surrender to Him, in so many different ways. "Surrender to Me. Let go of your own will, fall back in My arms. Trust my plan for your life. Do not fear; be still and know that I am God. Seek my will for your life. Search for delight in me, and you will find true joy."

Surrender. Who knew there could be so much victory in Christ behind the word?

Love.

"For I am the LORD your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I give Egypt as your ransom,

Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

Because you are precious in my eyes,

and honored and I love you,

I give men in return for you,

peoples in exchange for your life."

-Isaiah 43:3-4.

Yes, I know this is a little late for Valentine's Day, but this is
one my absolute, all-time favorite verses. This is what I
celebrate during this Valentine season-

A beautiful love story between me and Christ, authored by
The Author of love and romance. My fellow single sisters in
Christ, please don't be depressed this season-

you have more than a special someone... you have the special
Someone! He loves us with an amazing, indescribable,
everlasting love! Join in me in delighting in Him and His love!

Happy Valentine's Day! (belatedly.) <3

"P.S."- I realized that I just updated yesterday, so I wanted to say that any comments on
my previous posts are welcomed by me! =)
I love getting comments on anything, whether it's current or not.

Oh, and credit for the photo goes to Beth and her wonderful

photography skills!! <3